AMERICAN DIVORCE AGREEMENT

 American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists

 and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this

 latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce... I

 know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future

 generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course.

 Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on

 what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and

 chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

 Here is a model separation agreement:

 Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each

 taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure  our

 two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be

 relatively easy! Our respective representatives can  effortlessly divide

 other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

 We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome

 to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll

 take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.

 You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however,

 responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all

 three of them).

 We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical

 companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless,

 homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot

 Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles

 and give you NBC and Hollywood ...

 You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to

 invade and hammer places that threaten us.. You can have the peaceniks

 and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are

 under assault, we'll help provide them security.

 We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam,

 Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N.

 but we will no longer be paying the bill.

 We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can

 take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

 You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.

 We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a

 right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National

 Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to

 Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

 We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up

 poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our

 history, our name and our flag.

 Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like

 minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just

 hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you Answer which

 one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

 Sincerely,

 John J. Wall

 Law Student and an American

 P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheehan, Barbara

 Streisand, & Jane Fonda with you.

 P. S. S.  And we won't have to press 1 for English.